PREFACE: it was my intent to write a blog about the balance between nature and city-night-life-culture here in Brighton, but this (although perhaps slightly too closely related to the previous post) is what my stubborn finger insisted on typing. I figure maybe if I listen to them (or in this case, slave obediently to their needs) I can move on to the things I wanted to write about in the first place. END OF PREFACE.
I am currently hunched over a bowl of spicy channa dal, mingling in and out of theories about channel conductance, African Pentecostalism, and Johns Hopkins graduate program prerequisites (all of which are tabs on FireFox at the moment, besides the dal of course, which is currently in my mouth), and I find myself suddenly moved to write a bit about it all of these noise-making things in my mind. Darn. I will get on to more tangible, reality-based narrations again someday. I promise!
Sitting here, stepping back at the chaotic fusion of culture, interests, music, and things that constantly cake my life (usually silently, but sometimes blatantly- as is the current case), I a little bit worried. Although it is good to have a lot of diversity in one's existence,sometimes it complicates things.
Example #1 (and the only example at that):
I am starting to think a lot about my future goals, as insinuated in previous blogs (and as is evident by the respective tabs currently open), and what kind of real life decision I have to make in the coming days. I wrote last time about what kind of person I am morphing into, and in comparison, the current question (what kind of things will that person do?) is much more difficult to answer. I don't know what it is about being here in England that is making my desperately soul search (something I, probably ignorantly, assumed wouldn't be a product of a westernized-American-esque country), but it is definitely a process under way. Maybe it is something about Sussex, the international academic expectations, that are contributing to these cognitions. I am not sure.
Regardless of the cause, I think the problems is I have FAR too many obscure passions, none of which I want to commitment to(typical girl, no?). The incapacity to stay in places for long periods of time, puddle jumping from the sciences to language, and flustered bloggage are all exemplary of this problem. But the thing is, I don't want to force myself into restriction. If I am suddenly impassioned by particle theory (which I have had several recent episodes of) why not pursue it?
It's just the idea that in 1 year I will be applying to a graduate program, and by then I need to have at least SOME of an idea about what I want to study in a more permanent context. Yeah, it is pretty clear to me right now Cognitive Neuroscience is always going to play a major role, but there are SO many routes that my academic tush can trod down. Here is a list, that took me a seriously disgusting amount of time to narrow down, of the things I could foresee myself studying in relation to cognitive science:
3. Meditation and prayer (i.e. attentional acuity)
Not having an idea how to thread something substantial through all of these niches is the current predicament. Actually, it is more of a an impossibility, than a predicament.
I have no resolution. I am swimming confusedly right now without much success. It is getting to a point where I am going up to my professors after class to ask them about their opinions about what kind of work the world needs in this realm of study, as well as keeping a notepad full of facts I find exceptionally moving, in hopes I will find a trend. Sounds scientific? desperate? That's because it is. Hah. But hopefully with at least a dollop of eventual success.
What else is a lass to do?
I know Ghana will only complicate things, probably igniting some kind of inner passion about aboriginal political structures or something equally obscure and unemployable.But, there is not much else I can rationalize to do than to follow my heart (albeit a little bit erratic at times).
Little nudges from wiser men than myself are always welcome. :)
p.s. watch this: